Recent Insults

"Your approach to deadlines is so innovative—you've somehow discovered the fifth dimension where time doesn't exist."

"If eye-rolling were an Olympic sport, you'd have more gold medals than Michael Phelps."

"Your lawn maintenance strategy appears to be 'let nature reclaim what was once hers.' Bold choice."

"You have the hunting skills of a stuffed animal and the personality of a dictionary, yet somehow you've convinced me to serve you daily."

"Your advice is like a GPS that's permanently set to 'scenic route through a swamp'—fascinating but utterly unhelpful."